abuse in Vajrayana Buddhism

[Stevyn]

http://www.indiadivine.org/showthread.php?t=513710

Healing From Abuse: A Framework

(From 'Relating to a Spiritual Teacher' by Alexander Berzin, Snow
Lion Publications, 2000. Berzin traces many complex psychological
issues and pitfalls that have come up for Western practitioners of
Tibetan Vajrayana Buddhism. If you're in early stage recovery, his
book may be confusing and seem invalidating, but after you've
reclaimed your boundaries and are curious to analyse the situation,
his book is likely to provide food for thought, even if you disagree
with some of it.)

'In (his book) 'Invisible Loyalties' Boszormenyi-Nagy, the Hungarian
founder of contextual therapy, suggested sensitive ways to heal the
psychological injuries of victims of physical or sexual abuse. The
methods he outlined parallel in many ways the approach taken in
sutra level guru meditation. His analysis may augment our
understanding of how the meditation may help to heal the wounds of
students deeply hurt by abusive spiritual teachers.

'Boszormenyi-Nagy explained that the first step in the healing
process is for abuse victims to acknowledge their pain and that they
are entitled to feel bad. They have in fact been violated and for
them to deny the truth will only add fuel to suppressed anger or
feelings of guilt. Similarly, if we have been personally abused by
our spiritual mentors or have learned from reliable sources that our
teachers have maligned other students, we too need to acknowledge
our pain and our " entitlement " to feel bad. We were in fact wronged
or let down...'Contextual therapy calls next for trying to
understand the context in which the abuse arose from both the
perpetrators' and the victims' sides. This does not mean one should
rationalize the faulty behavior or mistakes in judgment on the
perpetrator's parts, nor that the victims should take the entire
blame and feel guilty...

'Victims of abuse also need to acknowledge that they are entitled to
a better deal in life. In Buddhist terms entitlement to happiness
comes by virtue of having an innate network of positive potentials
as part of (one's) Buddha nature. Nevertheless abuse victims need to
earn that happiness by acting decently. For example, war refugees
are entitled simply as human beings to homes and a livelihood in
host countries. Yet they need to earn good treatment by following
the law and leading upright lives...'Many victims of abuse have
negative self-images. Either consciously or unconsciously, they
blame themselves for what happened and may feel they do not deserve
better treatment. Even if they feel entitled to better treatment
they may resign themselves to further abuse.

'A similar pattern often emerges with victims who are told and feel
that they are special. (eg when an unethical guru tells you that
you're enlightened and must now start a revolution amongst the
young, or if an abusive teacher singles you out to be his or her
favorite and you find yourself following orders to tyrannize over
others--my note, not Berzin's) During the abusive relationship, an
inflated sense of self worth may make them unaware of being victims
of abuse. They often deny the abuse or defend their perpetrators,
even if confronted with the facts. Then, when their abusers find
other " chosen ones " they feel humiliated, experience sudden
deflation of their self images and become deeply hurt or completely
outraged.

'In all such cases, the victims need to dispel their identification
with their negative self images in order to regain emotional
stability...so long as they identify with being unworthy, they
continue to open themselves to possible manipulation and abuse.'The
next step in the healing process in contextual therapy is
determining clearheadedly the legacy that the abuse victims may take
from their relationship with their perpetrators. Is it just outrage,
bitterness, and an inability to trust anyone in the future, or can
the victims take something positive with them? (At this stage, only
after legitimate pain and anger have been thoroughly acknowledged--
see previous steps--my note, not Berzins)

'The therapy encourages focusing on the positive factors gained from
the relationship and enables the victims to be loyal to the positive
aspects and to incorporate them into their lives. 'This process also
helps the victims to avoid acting with misplaced unconscious loyalty
to the abuser's negative aspects. Such loyalties may result in
victims being inconsiderate of themselves, and due to feelings of
guilt, denying their rights to have healthy relationships--
conforming to the subtle message conveyed by the abuse.
Consequently, victims of abuse frequently experience mental blocks
about emotional and physical intimacy and may not feel entitled to
get married or become parents...Dharma students traumatized by
abusive teachers often become so disillusioned that they are unable
to continue on the spiritual path.'

(From 'Relating to a Spiritual Teacher' by Alexander Berzin, pp 143-
146)

Note: In the Dharma and New Age worlds, there appears to be a taboo
against legitimate, appropriate anger even when one has been
horrendously abused. It is sad to see tormented students trying to
bear witness and anxiously declaring 'But I am not angry!'

It doesn't help that abusive teachers and their minions are quick to
pounce if someone show signs of anger and use that to invalidate
them and shame them.

But this recovery framework makes clear that legitimate anger is an
essential ingredient in the early stages of recovery from any kind
of abuse.

Its useful to see recovery from abuse as analogous to a multi-stage
rocket, the kind used to propel the Apollo moon expedition.

When the rocket blasted off from Cape Canaveral, the initial power
thrust was supplied by the first stage of the rocket. (eg the vital
anger stage of early recovery).

After the fuel burned out from Stage One, that portion would un-
couple from the rocket and fall away. The engines from the second
stage then fired up. After the rocket was free from the earth's
gravity and the second stage fell away, a smaller set of engines,
guided by precision instruments fired up and the expedition
continued its trajectory to the moon.

What assists in early recovery can become disabling in later
recovery. Compassion toward one's perpetrator, something vitally
important in advanced recovery, can hamper early recovery.

Unskillful use of non dual analysis (aka 'Advaita Shuffle') can also
be used by the victim or well-intentioned but unskillful helpers in
such a way as to derail recovery. Of course the perpetrator can also
use this trick to stop recovery, preventing the victim from gaining
independence from the dictates of the perpetrator.

- Much appreciation to the reader who send After Hours this article.
This is a very clear statement of the recovery and healing
process...further discussion is welcome.


posted by Helene @ 3:36 AM Nov 20-04

Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Empowering Survivors to Find Their Voice
Great site. I hope it empowers more survivors to find their voices,
and rediscover their essential dignity.

A book that many Cohen survivors may find helpful is 'Prophetic
Charisma' by Len Oakes (he reviewed Andre van der Braak's book).

If you've ever wondered why so many gurus sound alike and seem to
have attended the same training camp, 'Prophetic Charisma' is a must-
read. Oakes interviewed twenty charismatic leaders and many of their
followers, and was once a member of a group led by such a leader.

What Oakes learned was that none of these charismatics was capable
of ordinary, intimate relationships with peers. They all had some
form of narcissistic personality disorder, and compensated for lack
of intimacy and lack of empathy by becoming avid students of social
manipulation and communication arts.

Another feature Oakes observed was that the leaders often learned to
have 'canned' responses to any situation, and knew how to ruthlessly
exploit the slightest sign of self doubt or hesitation in an
adversary...

You can order a copy from amazon.com

There is another article, by Arthur J Deikman, available at his
website and is excellent. His take is the mark of a genuine
spiritual teacher is the ability to create conditions that support
spiritual development. An authoritarian, anxiety ridden community
would undermine such development, not support it.
http://www.deikman.com/eval.html

-letter from a reader

posted by Helene @ 3:19 PM

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