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A former Rigpa student’s thoughts and cultivating discernment …

GUEST POST

I was a Rigpa student for ten years and trainee instructor for the last four. For the first few years I was very much moved and inspired by the teachings, the retreats I attended and by the work done by students of Rigpa, as there are a lot of good, genuine, dedicated, well intentioned people who are working for this organisation. Then in the last few years some of the allegations about Sogyal started appearing once again in the press, up till this point I had been in complete ignorance that there was anything like this in his past.

As trainee instructors we were informed about the Janice Doe case and sent on a training retreat on how to manage this if asked about it by the general public or by students. If not voiced officially I got the sense that the general understanding was that this woman had misunderstood the nature of Sogyal’s teachings and of his intentions. We were given material to read on the student – teacher relationship, the nature of devotion, and the unconventional way of teaching that a ‘Crazy Wisdom’ teacher might use with his students. None of the details of the nature of the allegations could be shared because this had been one of the clauses in the settlement of the lawsuit, so at the time I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I told myself that maybe he had been a bit wild in his youth along with other Lama’s such as Chogyam Trungpa, but that now he had settled down and was only interested in bringing the teachings to the West. However when it came to Sogyal Lakar’s relationship with the young girls who served him and all the other allegations about him, I found that it was all very much kept hidden and unspoken even to long term students like myself.

I did question to myself over the years why most of the students in ‘Lama care’ who served Sogyal were beautiful girls in their twenties, but there is such a focus on teachings on devotion, (i.e, seeing his every action as a teaching, never questioning that he can do any wrong and seeing him as an incarnate Buddha,) that I just told myself there must be some good reason for it which was beyond my understanding as an ordinary being. It may sound naive to anyone outside of Rigpa who is reading material on it being a cult, but I would like to add that there is also lot of genuine Dharma being taught which has a positive transformative effect, and as I immersed myself in these teachings it was easy to lose the discernment, especially seeing as these types of teachings are also genuine when given within a certain context. On top of this I had a lot of respect for some of the senior students that I encountered who were rational, highly intelligent people and full of wisdom and kindness, I looked at them as an example of what could be accomplished by really practising the teachings.

Eventually I ended up reading Mimi’s report and questioned a senior instructor on the truth it. He confirmed that every bit of it was true, I appreciated that he gave me the respect to be open and honest with me, leaving me to make up my own mind. Previously I had asked another senior instructor what was the truth of Rinpoche’s relationship with his female students and I had been told that he believed that ‘Rinpoche’s private life was his own business’ and that was the end of the story. Still I felt the understanding was that she was another poor unfortunate who did not understand the nature of the blessing of the Lama, and all the other girls didn’t seem to mind so therefore this was her ignorance, that she was an isolated case and had become deluded and lost her way. There is very much a sense that those who are in the inner circle and are in close proximity to Rinpoche are especially privileged to be taught in this manner.

I am now a student of another teacher for the last few years and it was only by being on retreat with him that I realised it wasn’t the normal thing to always be hearing about these teachings on devotion, on the guru – student relationship and the unconventional nature of a crazy wisdom master (which is what Sogyal Lakar considers himself to be). I Now feel that these teachings were used to justify his behaviour and to discourage the questioning of such. There are also teachings that to criticise a Bodhisattva (i.e Sogyal) and to cause discord among the Sangha will cause you to be reborn in the Vajra hells, so that was quite a strong factor in repressing this questioning of him even in my own thoughts, let alone voicing my misgivings publicly. I noticed in the last few years that as more of these allegations came to light there was more and more focus put on these kind of teachings, and once I was more aware of all the accusations, I became frustrated by it as I wanted to go and hear the Dharma and not be constantly confronted with what I felt was Sogyal defending his behaviour.

I am no longer a student of Rigpa and feel strongly that the teachings should not be used to justify this sort of behaviour. As has been stated there is too much of a power differential where his students are expected to obey absolutely his every command. I know there are people who are new to the teachings who have ended up hurt and confused by his behaviour and I do not think it is right to view these people dismissively as the uninitiated who did not understand the nature of Sogyal’s teaching. I believe that it is a huge betrayal of the trust that we put in the teacher and the teachings. The basic tenet of Buddhism is non harming and this applies to all beings, not just the initiated. Luckily I have seen other teachers who always behave with absolute integrity towards all of their students which has allowed me to have some sort of perspective that this is just the behaviour of one man and that the group consensus to ignore it and justify his behaviour among his students to preserve the status quo doesn’t represent Buddhism or the Dharma.

I now have a wonderful teacher who is the embodiment of the teachings in wisdom, compassion, integrity and patience and I trust him completely, it really is amazing what can be achieved when someone does genuinely try to live the teachings with humility. However we really need to take our time and use our discernment when it comes to who we pick to be our teacher.

I have just watched the video on youtube of Kalu Rinpoche http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5Ka3bEN1rs where he confesses about his life as a tulku and warns us that teachers may be extraordinary human beings but they are still human beings. He talks about issues of greed, power, sexual misconduct and control that he experienced within the structure of Tibetan Buddhism. These are corruptions that we can all fall prey to, even teachers and Lamas. I think it is very dangerous to be encouraged to perceive a man as an enlightened Buddha who can do no wrong and to be discouraged to question or to trust in our own perceptive abilities. I admired Kalu Rinpoche’s honesty, humility and transparency and think that this is what is needed at this time which is why I appreciate that these issues are now being addressed by Buddhists in a rational and intelligent way.

another 2013 post

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Thoughts on Leaving Rigpa

GUEST POST

After almost 20 years in Rigpa, I have left with a heavy heart and a wounded soul.

I still have huge faith and trust in the Dharma and have connected with my own wisdom in a real way. The allegations of abuse by Sogyal Rinpoche have been around for a long time and every now and again, they re-surface in the media and a whole new generation of Rigpa students become aware that all is not as it seems.

For my first few years in Rigpa, I was not aware of these issues at all and when I did become aware in some way, my mind compartamentalised these issues. I was so confused, I tried to rationalise it – so many people benefit from the teachings, this surely can’t be true and so on but there was always a niggling doubt. Then people that I trusted in the Dharma assured me that this was all fine, it was allegations, it was crazy wisdom, this was my ego reacting and so on. However, this doubt got bigger and bigger and when I discussed the issues with senior students, some of whom were in blank denial and issued a party line, some of whom admitted the truth of the allegations but justified it by “crazy wisdom” approach. Both reactions only made my doubts bigger, I read as much as could, watched interviews and soon found myself connecting with other students who had left or were leaving. We were all fearful as this was a taboo subject and had been taught that to speak or think badly about the master would be a terrible corruption of samaya and would send you to the vajra hells. These teachings in recent years in Rigpa on devotion and samaya have become more numerous and explicit – I believe this is deliberate.

Only after leaving Rigpa, did I realise how free I felt – no longer did I have to justify thoughts in my mind as bad or a corruption of samaya, I was recognising something wrong had happened. I had attended weekends where these issues were discussed in Rigpa but mostly how the issues could be managed in the face of questions from students or the public. It was effectively a re-education or PR training and it left me feeling deeply uncomfortable. Why should I put out a party line? I remember how my skin crawled a little when one instructor referred to those making allegations as “these women”, it was how it was said, it was loaded with meaning – these woman who dare speak out, who make these allegations, these women who don’t know what they want. We were told Sogyal is not a monk, he is not celibate and is entitled to a private life and that many woman because he is a Rinpoche want to connect with him and have a relationship. This does not make it ok as many people project hugely onto Tibetan masters, in much the same way as those in psychotherapy in the West might do so with a therapist. A good therapist sees this immediately and uses it in the therapy in a healthy way to sort out real issues and the idea of a therapist sleeping with a client is seen as a huge betrayal of trust and breach of fiduciary duty.

Since leaving Rigpa, I am clearer and happier – I feel sick that I stayed there so long and didn’t see the reality, that I listened to the lies and justification. I sometimes now meet people from Rigpa and I know that a lot of people have left in the past year or two and there is a concerted campaign to re-connect with those who have left, wanting to know their reasons why, wanting to talk to them. I want to have nothing to do with this as I believe the allegations against Sogyal Rinpoche should be dealt with openly and honesty.

The complicity of many people in Rigpa in covering up these allegations, managing what can and can’t be said and so on is wrong and so sad. It is no different that the terrible behaviour of the Catholic Church in how they covered up abuses for years.

This whole experience has left me deeply wounded in ways I cannot describe – Buddhism has brought huge benefit and meaning to my life but this experience with Rigpa about Rinpoche’s abuse and the cover-up of same means there is a dark shadow over my experience. I feel by participating in such an organisation for some time, I was also complicit as first I didn’t know and then I did and didn’t say anything about my questions or concerns. This isn’t surprisingly as a very strong and distinct culture of silence, group think and constant activity has built up in Rigpa. It means people are afraid to speak out, afraid to be different and the constant activity means people are so busy and tired they don’t question the norms.

I am hopeful that in the coming year the issues in Rigpa will be exposed more and more and there will be a honest dialogue that benefit all those who have suffered at the hands of this organisation. The really sad thing is there are many kind and good people in Rigpa, who lead lives according to the Dharma but there is this huge blindspot about the issues of the allegations about Rinpoche. Rigpa has also provided students in the west with access to extraordinary lamas such as Ringu Tulku Rinpoche, Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, Garchen Rinpoche and so on but I also have questions why does no-one speak up. Surely these lamas also know about these allegations? it is all so sad and confusing and disheartening and I commend those who have the bravery to speak out from the bottom of my heart.

good comment:

sankappa, on January 18, 2013 at 4:20 am said:

…would just like to add that back in 2010, at my first (and last) Rigpa retreat, the push was very much on then, to motivate students to have unquestioning, unwavering trust and devotion in Sogyal Rinpoche. It was one of the main themes of the retreat, with Sogyal Rinpoche speaking directly about faith and devotion for the guru on several occasions. That was three years ago now, and in hindsight I realise that it was indeed aimed at shoring-up support for those that were wavering and beginning to have doubts in Sogyal’s integrity. I am glad to say it was wasted on me, as it was in fact at this retreat that I saw through the whole fabrication and orchestration of events which confirmed to me what a con-job Rigpa and Sogyal Rinpoche were/are. I guess now three years on I am still surprised that more people, as I did, do not see through this charade sooner rather than later. Although, I think it may be the case that I have always had a good nose for bullshit, plus forty or so years life experience prior to encountering Rigpa. Unfortunately though, so many of the new Rigpa recruits are young, impressionable and trusting and this is what makes the whole organisation more insidious, in that it preys on this trust and naivety. I have a lot of empathy for the two latest casualties who have courageously come forward to further expose Rigpa. I know the hurt, confusion and the set-back in the Dharma I suffered after only 10 months, so I know I will never fully comprehend how this feels after 10 or 20 years involvement.

This then leads me to repeat what I have posted in the past. It is not just sexual abuse that is being committed by Sogyal Rinpoche, and which has previously dominated discussion, it is again apparent through the latest two exposes, and that which has directly been my experience and that of others, it is abuse on many levels: spiritual, psychological, physical, financial and sexual. In fact the whole organisation is predicated on deceit, because at its core is a corrupted individual who’s real agenda is to indulge his ego, while in reality giving only lip service to Dharma, and only to the degree necessary in maintaining the illusion of a spiritual organisation. Rigpa is then further corrupted by having an elite inner circle of enablers, typical to cult organisations. This cultic behaviour is further in evidence now by the damage-control and “re-education” campaigns being waged and now being brought to public attention. So, knowing what we now know and seeing the evolution towards increasingly desperate and deceitful tactics, how is it that I still see the oft repeated sentiment, that there are still “good and worthwhile teachings” through this organisation. This really concerns me. How can these be “good” teachings and a true transmission of the Dharma when they come from a corrupted heart with largely deceitful and ulterior motives? The message might resemble Dharma but its vehicle of delivery is ultimately aDharmic. Saying it’s still “Dharma” amounts to a contradiction.

The much repeated claim that there are many good, positive and wonderful people involved with Rigpa, is one which I completely agree with and have encountered first-hand. For the sake of these people and the many vulnerable new recruits whom are having doubts about Sogyal Rinpoche and Rigpa, or for the people that have yet to make a decision to become involved, I believe we need to use the strongest most uncompromising and least contradictory language possible to condemn this organisation. To continue to repeat that there is still Dharma to be found here, is misleading and just plain incorrect. Let’s start calling a spade, a spade.

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